I have completely stolen this story from the website of the umbrella church we are working with here in Skopje. It is amazing!

It’s about time I blogged…

And about time I will blog.

New Year, new perspective, new ideas, new hopes, new , new, new everything shiny and new

but the one thing I wish I knew

is what will happen tomorrow

but that I will never know

so this year

I hope to mature

in trust

in the one

who makes me new

and knows everything that is good for me.

And now for an update about the past few weeks…

Phil's amazing Christmas dinner

We had an amazing Christmas day with our Macedonian family (although tinged with a little homesickness and a tummy bug). It was very chilled, Phil cooked an especially good dinner, we had a few pressies to open, and everyone enjoyed playing a game in true Jones Christmas tradition. What an amazing thing to have friends, let alone people one can call family, after being in a new place for just 6 months. The week before, we had also had a larger Christmas party which was fun as it snowed on the day and everyone was enjoying the mulled wine and cookies.

Mmmm Mulled Wine!

We also had a big party here at New Year. This house is such a blessing to us and the community here as we were able to host almost 60 people – some old and some new friends. We had lots of food, lots of dancing and not much sleep.

Everyone crammed into our house at New Year's Eve

We now have our best man, Robin , staying with us and it has been so much fun to be able to show him around Skopje. We also went to a friend’s house in a village in the mountains for the weekend, which was not only beautiful and refreshing to be out of the city, but we also had a live in cook in the guise of Tina’s mum. Great to be the receiver of such hospitality.

We are still missing our good friends, the Bowers, and hope that they will return to Skopje soon.

So, 2010, here we come!

I woke up this morning in a strange panic. I said to Phil ‘What did we used to do on Friday nights?! I have totally forgotten!’ It was as if, slowly, over the last 6 months, our life in 199 Southway, Guildford, is being wiped from my memory. And as I awoke, I suddenly felt as though it had gone from my grasp. I couldn’t even remember what we used to do on a weekend! That is kind of scary.

Some days this makes it easier to accept life here and to enjoy it, without constantly comparing it to a life you once knew. That life seems further away, more ethereal and so life here becomes more reality. It makes it easier to accept and enjoy the slower pace of life and the simplicity of each day, without feeling guilty for not being very busy, or like you are missing out on something.

On other days this strange transition does also make that ethereal existence seem more romantic and desirable… rose tinted glasses really do exist.

But today, I DO remember that in that previous life, I was constantly stressed, frustrated and exhausted. When I remember that reality, I am so grateful for the opportunity to live somewhere where relationships are highly valued, work is not one’s whole existence and I can have a season of having ‘time’ to do and be all the things I used to dream about. It is just a shame I can’t ship all of my family and friends out here to join me!  This week my diary was more full of people’s names, than things to do. I have time to read God’s story and to knit a scarf for a child in Shutka. What a dream. There are days I still wonder ‘is this OK?’ or ‘am I missing out?’ but the more I embrace the culture, the more I can be free to live life more simply and to enjoy it.

This is a glimpse of my ‘home office’ (just add in a laptop)…

It is very strange being in a different culture at Christmas time. I almost didn’t realise Christmas was creeping up, except for the occasional glimpse of trees and sparkly bits and bobs in the few shops who are embracing the western Christmas traditions. I have only just realised that I should really put my advent calender I made last year up. I was really looking forward to sharing the run up to Christmas with the Bowers, so it is also tinged with sadness at the absence of good friends and excited children.

My advent calendar!!

However, I have decided that we must get a big tree this year and if we can’t find one I will decorate the huge pine tree in our front garden! I really thought I wasn’t that fussed about all the decorations, but the emptiness of the house and the distance from home makes me all the more determined to make it full of festivity.

The more the years go on, the more I am also embracing the idea of making most things at Christmas. I remember having a dream as a child that when I have my own house and family, we will do everything ‘the Victorian way’ – making things together and enjoying the simplicity and reward that brings. So last year it was my mini stocking advent calender and chutneys for all. This year I have made jewellery for some presents and who knows what I might end up making for the house.

Me trying to knit!

I am also learning to knit at the moment. I am not very good at all. I don’t have the patience and I can’t sit down for long enough to get anywhere. I am determined to continue as we have started a group here called ‘Ce plete za dete’ which means ‘Knit for a child’. We are knitting scarves for the children in the pre-school in Shutka, the Roma settlement just outside Skopje. It is a good time of year to be making something so simple for a child to whom it will bring such joy. I have chosen a bright pink colour which I hope a little girl will treasure. At least I hope that it won’t be taken from her and sold on the market, which is also possible  :(

At the same time, this week I was shown this video which reminded me again of the plight that some people have to face. Christmas certainly doesn’t cheer their winter or warm their cockles. So, we have decided to launch the ‘Feed a family at Christmas’ campaign. Not a very snappy title, but we are working on it and it does what it says. It may be cheesy, conventional and you may have heard the same story over and over and over… but isn’t that the tragedy? Watch this video and be moved. Think about giving some of your Christmas budget this year to feed another family and who else you can tell….

So, advent this year; in the absence of so many things, and of family and friends, I hope I can fill it with simple cheer… making things, making someone smile, and making a difference.

Advent literally means awaiting the arrival of something/someone and although it obviously means the coming of the Christmas season, for Christians it also signifies the coming of Jesus, once as a baby 2000 years ago and once again. I also love the tradition of lighting a candle each Sunday of advent to symbolise Peace, Love, Hope and Joy and then the final one is Christ, who brings all of those things to us through his presence here on Earth. Love it! Maybe I’ll make one of those too.

Ok, now on with the knitting…

Thought it was about time I updated on the last few months. I was trying to be clever and put a video or some pictures on here of out time in the UK, but I failed. You can see them on facebook if you like. It was a great trip full of big events: 24-7 gathering in Amsterdam, Ally and Amy’s wedding, Chloe’s graduation, Nat and Pete’s wedding and the birth of our beautiful niece, Isabel Joy Evans.

Since being back we have been still testing the waters about what it is we are going to be doing; wading just a little bit deeper in…

We are still learning the language, learning how to go slow and not assert our foreigness or our own selves onto what God is doing here. Our ‘barometer’ asks us “are we asserting ourselves in this or are we getting underneath and equipping the saints in Macedonia?” This is really helpful as we try to work out what our days and weeks will look like. Most of what I will be involved in to begin with may be quite simple and not very time consuming, so I am looking into the possibility of volunteering for a charity that works with people with special needs and also flirting with the idea of working in the local international school. These would give me some context and structure to my week, which would enable me to just ‘live’ and do simple things such as meet up with people to encourage and equip them, encourage prayer in the community and in the Balkans, help build community, and work on developing Patchwork Kids (our child sponsorship charity), and of course learn the language. We are realising that the language is such a key to feeling settled and being valuable here. Although most of our friends speak English so well that you forget they are Macedonian at times, there are times I am acutely aware that as outsiders we must learn the language in order to be truly rooted here, in order to agree in prayer, in order to be independent, to be ‘one of them’!  In the mean time, please pray for us that we will quickly feel settled into our roles and relationships here as this is key to us feeling that this is home.

This last week we have begun to put the patchwork Kids website together and have also started meeting to pray as the Glasnost community at our house. I am excited about the beginning of these two ventures and asking God for more ventures that will enable and equip his body to see God’s Kingdom come here in Skopje and Macedonia.

For those who have been following and praying for my back – I felt that there was some breakthrough after praying with some friends in the UK and getting some better medication. In the last week, however, things feel back to how they were and we need to make a decision about surgery – which would mean a few flights home for Drs appointments and being on a long waiting list. We really felt that it was right for me to be here and so we are still hoping and praying that God will heal it soon, and we won’t have to go down the surgery route.

The weather here in Skopje feels much like the UK at this time of year – trying to make it’s mind up – rainy, cold, mild, sunny, windy etc. Skopje looks and feels very different in the autumn/winter – less heat means people are bustling about more, and it’s funny what buildings, trees, signs, you notice that you didn’t see before.

Yesterday, as I embarked on four days of one of the scariest things for me ,*solitude*, I had an inkling that if I was to offer my time to God, he would probably speak to me about some of  the stuff I had been asking him about over the last few days. So, as usual, because I am not very good at silence either, I found some myspace worship music and after a while I realised I was singing the song ‘Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord…’ My ears pricked up as I realised that I had been asking God to ‘Give Me Strength!’ over the last couple of days.

Isaiah 40 says;

²⁸ Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The LORD is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

²⁹ He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

³⁰ Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

³¹ but those who hope* in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

*some translations say WAIT UPON or TRUST.

And I realised there and then that God has already told us how to gain strength: to wait upon him, to come to him and receive it. It is only IN him that we find our strength. He is our strength…

But it doesn’t just say we will find MORE strength, it says he will RENEW our strength. God’s very character, shown throughout the God Story is that he is a RENEWER. Everything is or will be made new, perfect, whole and everybody; our mistakes, pain and suffering, are being REDEEMED and we who are IN CHRIST are being TRANSFORMED into his likeness.

So, when I shared this verse from Isaiah 43 on facebook;

‘Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.’

and was swamped with comments about how it has encouraged people, I guess I shouldn’t be that surprised. Most of us are hoping, waiting on God for him to change something, or some situation, and he will. He is a God who makes things new. He restores, redeems and renews. However, in the meantime, in the waiting, in the longing, we ourselves are being made new and it is a journey, a pilgrimage towards the heart of God – one that we even forget we are on sometimes. It is easy to lose perspective and also to expect quick answers and quick fixes in times of stress, trouble or despair, but we have to remember that God is making US new. He is doing a new thing in us everyday if we allow him to. And it is the thing he does in us, that is the most valuable of all treasures. It is because of this that we need God to be our strength in times of trouble. This is the greatest miracle; that a loving father would allow his children to be refined by trouble in order that they might experience deeper understanding of a mysterious God and encounter true transformation. And that he would suffer with us, not abandoning us, but walking through these times with us.

Finally, in the trend of God speaking through facebook, my friend Ella then posted this promise on her status:

Psalm 84:5
Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.

Not set on the destination, not set on the ‘way out’ , but set on this pursuit of God and being made like him. And for that, we need his strength.

I know it is not an original idea, but thought it would be an interesting way to sum up the last few months in Skopje before heading back to the UK next week. We are coming to the end of our first season of ‘reconnaisance’, but realising that there is never an end to the learning phase. You only get drawn deeper into learning as time goes on.

So here are the highlights from my facebook status updates from the last few months:

Anna Evans only a week today we return to the UK… How time flies!

Anna Evans cultural note: in Macedonian to drink coffee is a verb and one worthy of answering to the question ‘What have you done today?’

Anna Evans ok, will there be a goose at the end of this chase? Off to see another Physio – hopefully this one will 1.Tell me something sensible, 2. Not have closed down, 3. Speak English, 4. Not rip me off

Anna Evans dali sakash da piash kafe co mene vo grad deneska? Ti znaish moeto broi!

Anna Evans made a lot of fig jam today and realising that one needs to preserve fruit and vegetables for the winter here… better get going

Anna Evans something just went BUMP in the night… I felt my chair wobble too (it was an earthquake!)

Anna Evans is COLD for the first time since May. Thanks for the lovely long summer. Looking forward to what autumn may bring.

Anna Evans French themed dinner in Macedonia quote of the evening: “I would rather stick to Macedonian cuisine”.

Anna Evans is having fun at school today with Evan and Mimi

Anna Evans a great start to the day: a run and prayers with Spiderman

Anna Evans mmmm lovely walk and sunbathe at Matka

Anna Evans is currently having her leg bandaged by Nurse Mimi

Anna Evans why oh why is the post office not open at ten on a Tuesday morning?

Anna Evans wow amazing thunder and lightening!

Anna Evans hmmmm how else to avoid learning the four words for ‘my’, eight for ‘your’, four for ‘her’, etc?

Anna Evans A slipped disc and 3 bulging ones – impressive!

Anna Evans is home in Skopje. No more travelling for a while. Aaaaah.

Anna Evans Three years later and more in love everyday

Anna Evans learning to do things the Balkan way

Anna Evans heading to Dobrich today on a full stomach of Bulgarian Banica

Anna Evans birthday celebrations for Evan today… zoo, cake, Kung-Fu Panda and baked bean pie!

Anna Evans great day with new friends and beautiful drive through the mountains

Anna Evans wondering what to do tomorrow… it’s too hot and a national holiday

Anna Evans is the proud owner of a lady bike MAX

Anna Evans is enjoying Ohrid

Anna Evans Will somebody shoot those dogs?

Anna Evans is enjoying her first cup of proper English tea in a long while. Thank you Frances!

Anna Evans Macedonian/Irish Wedding!

Anna Evans drove down the wrong side of the road

Anna Evans working her way through a 10kg watermelon

Anna Evans Going to Gevgaleja

Anna Evans met some lovely people who let me take their photos

Anna Evans need to get out and ask people directions to places I don’t really want to go!

Anna Evans God’s story

Anna Evans loves the Old Bazaar

Anna Evans bought an umbrella from a lady in return for some conversation

Anna Evans learning Post Office vocab this week… If you are lucky, you might get a postcard!

Anna Evans was going to climb Vodna, but slept in instead. Now it’s too hot.

Anna Evans ’s been playing Cowboys and Indians in the garden

Anna Evans old and new friends

Anna Evans overdid the siesta thing

Anna Evans just went to the green market… First language learning: Fruit and Veg

Anna Evans is in SKOPJE! Have an amazing (empty) house and feel very pleased to be here finally…

A little pun to start a blog is always a good thing…

Unfortunately, since returning from Bulgaria I have mainly beeen focussing on recovering from a slipped disc in my back. I have had this since March and I thought it was easing, or maybe I was getting used to it; it is amazing how we can ‘manage’ pain. However, it seems that when you have a problem like this, it can flare up at times and the road to recovery is slow. So, I had a flare up a couple of weeks ago, so decided to have an MRI scan, and started “therapy” of TEN’s and Ultra Sound. Don’t ask me what these are meant to do – they don’t speak much English and my Macedonian is not that advanced yet.

When I say focussing on recovering, what I mean is it takes a lot of energy to stay positive, relaxed, keep a good posture, plan your day so that you are not sitting down too much (or at all), and to trust the Drs, God and your own decisions. I think that the trust issue has been the biggest one for me – I like to KNOW what’s happening and why. This is true of any kind of medical intervention, and it’s true of God’s working/silence.

When we were in Bulgaria I started reading Pete Greig’s book God On Mute. I hated it and loved it at the same time because it raised so many issues about unanswered prayer that it forced me to get seriously honest with God. This meant anger and a lot of it. I only got through half of the book when I began to hurl my abuse at God. There was hurt, disappointment, confusion, accustations of betrayal. There was even anger at the fact that I knew that He would forgive me and I would feel bad about everything I had said! And in the end of it all, I was pushed into a corner. I had no choice. I had to accept that either everything that I believe about God was true, or everything was completely untrue. Based on this one circumstance only, I could not deny that God has shown himself to be true, right, love, good and faithful throughout my life. So I was in this corner and I couldn’t get out until I surrendered. There was the white flag in my hand. I had to wave it. I had no choice. I had to surrender to the will of God, even though I didn’t like it. Even though I didn’t understand it.

And then the release. Then the intimacy. Then, yes I did feel bad about all I had said. Worse than that, I actually realised that what I had been doing was exactly what they were doing to Jesus on the cross. All of my anger and all of my pain was exactly what he took upon himself on the cross, because he surrendered to the will of God. He still was kind enough to quiet me with his love and presence, even after I had hurled my worst at him. It reminds me of a good parent.

A week or so later, as it was taking it’s toll on my faith again, I was challnged by a friend who, in trying to encourage me, said ‘It’s all for God’s glory’. I was bemused and reminded of the ancient saints who would love to suffer for their faith and saw it as a privilege. I realised that I want this attitude. I am severly lacking in the desire to see God glorified through whatever way he sees best and so this has also become my prayer. Although I don’t understand why or how, I pray that through my circumstances, He will be known.

So, all of this big complex stuff has been going through my head and heart and I have to say, although it sounds like it should make you stronger in faith, actually it’s tiring. It wears you down. It takes it’s toll and most days I feel a little disillusionment and frustration creeping in, not faith.

It’s times like these that you appreciate when Spider man turns up to the morning prayers and reminds you that life doesn’t have to be too complicated. As Evan threw his Spiderman mask to the floor and we prayed ‘One thing I have asked of the Lord, this is what I seek, that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life‘ I felt the warmth and comfort of simplicity. And now I am trying to hold that simplicity in tension with battling with the big questions. I guess that is the nature of faith itself.

So our car has changed its nationality from British to Bulgarian, but our trip to the ‘Wild East’ had a few more treasures and challenges besides…

I had a vision the other day. A vision of something impossible, yet possible. Something that stirred me so deep inside that my heart beats faster just thinking about it. I am not going to disclose what this vision is about, because some things are better sat on, chewed over and kept to burn in the secret places for some time. BUT, it got me thinking about purpose. It got me thinking about purpose because this is something that I could give my life for. Actually, something I would die for. I am not talking about abstract, big picture purpose, like I why do humans exist (although a very important question), or even the kind of purpose that comes when you know your Creator God loves you and wants you to be His hands and feet on the Earth. Purpose in terms of what you actually do with your life. The meaning we put on to the little things and why we do them. Purpose that we would suffer for. Sweat for. Bleed for. Do crazy, risky things for, and boring, mundane things for.

When I awoke this morning I had a sense of meaninglessness. It was depressing, negative and scary. The thought of another day doing this and that just bored me. Then I began thinking – everything I am doing today has meaning. The blinds I am going to put up means that I am committed to this place, that I am making it home. The people I am seeing today shows that I am committed to this place, that I am investing in relationships. The language I will practice, the stuff we will buy for the house, the food we will serve; they are all significant moves towards making Skopje our home. Making Skopje our home means commitment to this Nation; and that means something.

So, I conclude that my life is better off spent on the mysterious adventure of living here, than on the alternative career-big house-2.4 kids-live for the weekend life I left behind. It is certainly not for everyone, but worth thinking about what you would give your life for.

Poor King Solomon struggled as we do to find this purpose:

Utterly meaningless!
Everything is meaningless.”

³ What does man gain from all his labor
at which he toils under the sun?

⁴ Generations come and generations go,
but the earth remains forever.

⁵ The sun rises and the sun sets,
and hurries back to where it rises.

⁶ The wind blows to the south
and turns to the north;
round and round it goes,
ever returning on its course.

⁷ All streams flow into the sea,
yet the sea is never full.
To the place the streams come from,
there they return again.

⁸ All things are wearisome,
more than one can say.
The eye never has enough of seeing,
nor the ear its fill of hearing.

⁹ What has been will be again,
what has been done will be done again;
there is nothing new under the sun.

¹⁰ Is there anything of which one can say,
“Look! This is something new”?
It was here already, long ago;
it was here before our time.

¹¹ There is no remembrance of men of old,
and even those who are yet to come
will not be remembered
by those who follow.”

But one day the story will be complete…